I get it. When problems start coming at you right and left, non-stop, your knee-jerk reaction is to RUN AWAY!
What if the real solution was to stop, turn and give your problems a bear hug…Crazy, huh?
Let’s take a look…
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When was the last time you experienced a conflict?
Well, “never” as one of my friends said recently. My response was, “check your pulse pal.”
Conflict is a fact and you know what, it isn’t a bad thing. It’s not. It’s simply a reality. Conflict just means that there are tensions, disagreements, varying viewpoints.
Done of these are wrong. The problem comes when we respond to conflict inappropriately.
And inappropriate responses tend to be either flight (running away from conflict) or fight (getting offensive in handling conflict). Neither works and neither is constructive.
Instead try this – speak the truth with respect.
You see if you speak the truth you won’t run away from or try to deny or bury conflict. And, if you treat the person with respect you won’t be offensive, uncaring and harmful.
This is a simple thing to say but a hard thing to do. So, get to work and begin to build a habit here. Every day for the next two weeks concentrate on handling conflict with openness, honesty, kindness, respect and grace.
And tell us how it goes.
Related articles
- Managing Conflict (everydayhealth.com)
Why can’t I get my child to obey me? Why is my child taking the wrong path? Why do I have trouble connecting with my child?
Do you ever ask yourself these things? Well, if you are normal you must! I certainly do!
And, having just walked my daughter Molly down the aisle to join her new life with Max, I have been reflecting on my parenting over the years. Was I a good father – did I provide leadership, guidance, love, support, encouragement, provision….?
I think I did some things really well (love, encouragement, support) and others I blew (too passive at times, not intentional enough, etc.). But, all in all Mary and I have two great, healthy, productive, talented children (Mary is the parent who gets most of the credit).
What I do know for sure is that any success we have had with our kids is directly related to our own personal leadership. You see you can’t lead others if you can’t lead yourself. Good leadership is based on self-leadership.
So how about you – how is your personal leadership? Where are you winning and failing here?
My suggestions are…
- Be intentional on your personal growth. You can’t be passive here. You’re either moving forwards or backwards.
- Develop positive habits. As the Greek Fathers said, “first we make our habits and then they make us.” That is so true. Feed good habits and starve bad habits.
- Take responsibility for your life. Don’t blame other people or circumstances for your challenges. And, don’t be a victim!
- Don’t fake it! Be real and transparent even with you children. And, admit when you are wrong (yes…admit it). In fact, get radical and ask for areas of weakness to be pointed out by your children and spouse. Hey, I did this with my children starting with when they were young and you know what – they told me where I needed to be a better person.
- Lead from the inside out. Your strength is in the character that is being formed within you. Focus on the roots of character and behavior and be amazed at the fruit in your own life personally and professionally and in life of your family.
- Embrace core, universal principles (kindness, hard work, integrity, compassion) that you can model and then communicate these to you children whenever you have an opportunity.
Well, those are my thoughts. What are yours?
Whether at work or at home our team matters? Those around us can make or break us. And, critical to a great team is being on the same page and even more fundamentally experiencing team UNITY.
George Bernard Shaw said it this way, “in the right key you can say anything, in the wrong key nothing; the only delicate part of life is establishing the key.”
Isn’t that true? When you are unresolved conflicts with those around you can say much that is significant and you certainly aren’t performing well.
So get intentional in building team UNITY. Here is my model. It’s built on the acrostic UNITY.
- Uplift one another. Focus on building people up, not tearing them down.
- Need one another. Don’t be overly dependent or independent but be interdependent. You need others and others need you.
- Intimately relate to one another. First seek to understand and then seek to be understood. So, listen and work to empathize. Then communicate honestly and respectfully.
- Trust one another. You need to practice believing the best. Give people some freedom to fail and don’t jump to negative conclusions! Let your first response be to assume the best.
- Yield to one another. Practice some humility. Be the first to say “I was wrong.” Don’t always demand your way.
These 5 principles have been the paradigm I’ve sought to live out in my home, business and civic life for years. How about you? What has helped you build strong teams!!
Socrates once said, “you’ll never know a line is crooked unless you have a straight line to put next to it.” And, we have increasingly lost our “straight lines” in our culture. This needs to drive us to be clear about what our absolutes and non-negotiable values are. And, a great way to do this is to write up and then live out a code of ethics. I recently came across the Harvard Business School MBA Code of Ethics. This code developed and promoted by students and graduates of the school to promote “straight lines” is intriguing and helpful. As a business leader I recognize my role in society.
- My purpose is to lead people and manage resources to create value that no single individual can create alone.
- My decisions affect the well-being of individuals inside and outside my enterprise, today and tomorrow.
Therefore, I promise that:
- I will manage my enterprise with loyalty and care, and will not advance my personal interests at the expense of my enterprise or society.
- I will understand and uphold, in letter and spirit, the laws and contracts governing my conduct and that of my enterprise.
- I will refrain from corruption, unfair competition, or business practices harmful to society.
- I will protect the human rights and dignity of all people affected by my enterprise, and I will oppose discrimination and exploitation.
- I will protect the right of future generations to advance their standard of living and enjoy a healthy planet.
- I will report the performance and risks of my enterprise accurately and honestly.
- I will invest in developing myself and others, helping the management profession continue to advance and create sustainable and inclusive prosperity.
In exercising my professional duties according to these principles, I recognize that my behavior must set an example of integrity, eliciting trust and esteem from those I serve. I will remain accountable to my peers and to society for my actions and for upholding these standards. This oath I make freely, and upon my honor. What do you think of this and what other examples of great Codes of Ethics have you come across?
